Alone
by Samalamma
Summary: The McQueens are out of town and Sarah is nowhere to be seen. What will JP and Craig do with all this alone time? Takes place between 27/6/07 and 10/9/07.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own John Paul or Craig. But if I did Craig would have kissed him in the airport!

He's been staying longer.

John Paul smiled to himself as he went to the refrigerator to get some food for him and Craig, who was currently lying in John Paul's bed reading a football magazine. Things were starting to look up for the two of them. Now, instead of running away whenever they got close Craig would stay after sex, lying with John Paul for hours, chatting about meaningless things, and finally grumbling when he had to leave. Yep, it seemed like things were finally starting to change for the better.

John Paul grabbed two lagers and a bag of crisps and walked back upstairs. Now there was no rush. None of the McQueen's would be home for the weekend due to some impromptu weekend holiday ("Girls only" Myra had said, "I'm sure you'll get along just fine without us for a few days."), Sarah was out of town, and as far as Frankie was concerned Craig was just doing some lad stuff with John Paul.

When he entered the room Craig greeted him with a smiling face. "What I'm only good for crisps? I'm starting to think you don't care for me at all."

"What were you expecting? A full course meal?"

"Well, yes actually." He laughed and climbed out of bed towards him. John Paul was already weak in the knees just looking at his best mate, his secret lover. Craig was looking at him with an intense stare and John Paul was trying his hardest to not take Craig in his arms right then because there was still a bit of teasing to do.

"If you keep talking like this you won't be getting any food."

"Is that how it is?"

"Yes, I won't budge"

"John Paul." Craig said walking towards him. "Give me the food." He lightly kissed john Paul's neck. "You" kiss "don't" kiss "want" kiss "to" kiss " play this game" kiss. Craig grabbed the bottles and placed them on the bedside table. John Paul dropped the crisps and kissed Craig pushing him back towards the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Hollyoaks or John Paul and Craig. If I did Craig would have broken up with sarah back in June.

John Paul looked at the boy sleeping on his chest. He couldn't believe that just a few months ago Craig had beat him up because he was gay. Now Craig loved him and that was enough to make John Paul continuously grin like an idiot. Not that things were perfect with them; in fact they were far from it. Craig refused to break up with Sarah, one of John Paul's best mates, someone he would never want to hurt, who John Paul was sure Craig did not love anymore. Craig would never split up with her he was so afraid of being labeled as being gay. "Don't see what's so bad about that," John Paul thought "I had to do it. Tell everyone I was gay." John Paul knew that Craig would never admit to anything unless he was caught. John Paul knew he would never be able to flaunt Craig around town and that he had to deal with being his little secret. But, Craig loved him and that was what was really important.

So John Paul thought of that instead. He pushed aside the thoughts of breaking it off with Craig once and for all, pushed aside the thoughts of all the lies that came out of his lovers mouth, all the "tomorrows" and "next times", pushed aside how much it hurt him to see Sarah and Craig together, to know that this all he would be, Craig's bit on the side. Instead of dwelling on all those things, things that would just make him upset in the end, he thought of how much Craig loved him. He thought of that when he pulled Craig closer to him, he thought of that as he kissed Craig on the head, and he thought of that as he fell asleep content in his lovers arms, at least for today.

--

Thanks to mellymoo555 for being the first and so far only person to review my story! I really appreciate it.

Sam


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Once again I do not own John Paul or Craig

Saturday morning- 9 AM

Craig woke up to the smell of bacon cooking and sun shining in his eyes. Rolling over to avoid the sun he moved a bit over to snuggle up to the John Paul, but found no one there. Fighting off sleep, he crawled out of bed and made his way downstairs. Yawning he walked (if you can call his sleepy swagger walking) into the kitchen.

John Paul was cracking the egg into the pan as Craig walked into the kitchen and fell into his chair. Smiling to himself John Paul turned around to look at his love.

"Well I think you being down here ruins the whole idea of breakfast in bed."

Silence. Craig sat staring at the floor.

"Craig?"

Silence. Craig's eyes were now closed.

A little louder. "Craig!"

"huh?"

"You're not even awake!"

"I am. I a…" He mumbled with his eyes closed. He didn't protest as John Paul led him to the couch where he instantly fell asleep.

Satisfied that Craig was sound asleep, John Paul turned around and walked back into the kitchen to finish what he started.

Saturday Morning 10 AM

Long finished with his meal John Paul had been staring at the sleeping boy on his couch. He had looked so peaceful and John Paul didn't want to disturb him. It looked to John Paul that whenever Craig was asleep all that loomed over his head vanished.

Course they would not be gone for long. Soon Craig would wake up and it would all come back- John Paul, Sarah, his homophobic family

Craig sleepily opened one eye and looked around the room he was in. His eyes scanned the room for the one thing he was looking for and when he rested on him he smiled at the lovey dovey look on his lover's face. He wondered how long John Paul had sat there looking at him.

"Hello beautiful."

John Paul quickly snapped out of his state and looked into the eyes of Craig, who had just woken up. He loved the hoarse sleepy sound of Craig's voice when he has just woken up.

"Hello yourself." He stood up. "Up now, time for breakfast."

"Help me up."

"You're such a baby." John Paul said as he walked over to the couch. "If you weren't so damn cute…" He grabbed hold of Craig's outstretched arms. With a devilish grin Craig pulled John Paul on top of him and kissed him passionately.

"How bout we take this upstairs?" Craig said grinning.

"No. Breakfast first."

Craig whined.

"Eat your breakfast or you're not getting any…"

Craig pushed John Paul off him and ran into the kitchen.

--

Can't wait until September!

Please review. It would make me so happy.

Sam


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Hollyoaks or any of its characters.

John Paul didn't like to count his chickens, but with Craig Dean he couldn't help it. Any time Craig gave him the slightest bit of attention he would melt and hope that it was the moment Craig would finally change. But, he was proven wrong time and time again. It was always the wrong time, the wrong place to tell Sarah how he really felt and no matter how angry that made John Paul he couldn't help forgiving him time and time again.

So, here he was sitting on the sofa waiting for Craig to get dressed (attempting to do so with both of them in the room proved to be quite troublesome as somehow the clothes that were going on bodies always managed to be back on the floor seconds later), hoping it would be different. 'He hasn't mentioned Sarah…' John Paul thought happily.

His thoughts were interrupted when a cardigan clad Craig made his way down the stairs. "…he's gotten me hooked on this new game…No that isn't all we've done…" He looked apologetically at John Paul and mouthed 'Sorry' to him. "…what else? Uh… f-f-football match! Yep football match… Spain and…" looking around the room as if the answer would be in the sofa. "Uzbekistan". He hit the giggling John Paul and continued, "Yeah, that's what we thought too…" He mentioned something about the Dog and hung up the phone. "Sorry about that."

"Sarah?" He questioned, attempting to sound light-hearted about the whole thing.

"My mum. Wanted to know if I'd be back in time for dinner."

"And will you?"

"Depends." He answered pulling John Paul into a kiss and started to pull him back towards the couch.

"No. Craig, it's time to go" John Paul said stopping Craig.

"Can't we just stay here?"

"No. You need new clothes and frankly I've forgotten what outside looks like!"

Groaning Craig let go of John Paul and opened the McQueen door.

At the Dog (20 minutes later)

"…I can't believe you just told your mum that Uzbekistan was in a new Middle Eastern football league." John Paul said as Craig opened the door to the Dean's apartment.

"You were egging me on with all the talk about Yemen…"

"They are 'third in the world for countries bordering the Indian Ocean' after all…" He grinned quoting the words his boyfriend (or whatever he was) had used 5 minutes before.

"…and Sri Lanka."

"Come on Craig! You know they're my favourite team!"

Craig let out a frustrated groan and walked towards his room, but not before flashing John Paul a grin and asking him to make tea.

Three minutes later Craig came into the living room having changed into his striped red cardigan (John Paul's favourite).

"It's amazing that with the way you dress people don't think you're gay." John Paul said as he handed him his mug. Craig's eyes widened and he looked extremely worried. He put his mug down.

"What?! Do people think I'm gay?"

"Relax Craig! It was only a joke!" He smiled putting his hands on Craig's waist, something that usually calmed him down.

"Well I didn't find it very funny!" Craig seethed with anger and pushed John Paul's hands off him. It was at that moment John Paul realized that his Craig would never truly be… No, he did not want to think about that. Craig needed time. Time to realize who he was.

NO- He couldn't be Craig's bit on the side anymore. Craig was supposed to be his not Sarah's.

"Craig." He said exhausted. "When is this going to stop?"

--

Oooh! drama! Although I like making them as cute as possible...

Thanks to all the people who have reviewed my story!

To Temperance- I actually agree with you. McDean could be whiny a lot, but I like to see them as the lovey dovey couple that I always wanted them to be (I think the "bunny" episode when Jake almost caught them showed that they could definitely be cute).

Someone mentioned making the chapters longer. I'm trying and this would have actually been quite longer but I thought this was a good place to stop.

9/19/08- Sunset Ending!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoaks or any of its characters.

Exhausted John Paul sat on the Dean couch. He looked at Craig, the man who he was completely in love with, the man who continued to disappoint.

"When is this going to stop Craig?" Craig looked away. He never could handle serious conversations, always looking around, never could sit down, very fidgety.

"I just….I'm not…"

"Gay. I know. But how can we be together if you're afraid of people thinking you might be?"

" I don't know…"

"You don't know? I'm sorry Craig but I can't base this relationship on 'I don't know'." He stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Wait!" Craig stood up quickly. "You didn't let me finish! What I do know is that I love you and I…" He looked around nervously until his eyes landed on John Paul, "I want to make this work."

"How do I know you're not just saying that? Again?"

"I'm not." Craig said confidentially, grabbing John Paul's shoulders.

John Paul melted. "Craig…" Craig leaned in to kiss him. "No." John Paul pulled away. "I know this is just another one of your lies to get me to stop complaining about the fact that you are still with Sarah, or the fact that you can't admit that your gay." Craig glared at him. "Or bi, or anything other than straight. You're sleeping with me..."

"Shhhh"

"And that makes you gay in my books! Now, until you can prove to me that it is me you want, not Sarah, and that you're willing to take this public, you can forget about us!" John Paul stepped back from Craig and walked out the door.

Craig slumped on the sofa, putting his head in his hands. He never wanted to hurt anyone, especially not John Paul. He just couldn't choose. On one hand you had Sarah, a model, funny, easy to be around. On the other you had John Paul who was, well John Paul, the best mate he ever had. John Paul was the only mate that he could tell anything to. John Paul knew how far Craig's embarrassment at repeating a year went, he knew all of his favourite albums, his odd hatred for yoghurt, he knew what he feared most and what he wanted most in his life. John Paul knew things that Craig wouldn't tell anyone, not even Sarah the girl he was supposedly in love with.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been lying there. John Paul McQueen had walked home trying his hardest not to cry, stepped inside his house (successfully avoiding awkward conversations with Frankie and Hannah), crashed on the couch and cried his eyes out. He'd been lying on that couch ever since. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he cared. He would stay on this couch forever if it meant never having to see Craig and Sarah all over each other. He grabbed his mobile, looked at the name Craig, which he had so carefully written in capital letters when they first became friends, and considered calling him and apologizing. Knowing he deserved better than to be the one who had to do the apologizing he placed his mobile on the table and rolled over.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been lying there. Craig Dean had lain down on the couch a few minutes after John Paul left. He cried for many reasons. He cried because he was afraid of losing Sarah, he cried because he couldn't handle all the lying and sneaking around anymore, he cried because a part of him wished he had never stayed back a year so he would not have ever met John Paul, he cried because he knew deep down that he is glad he needed to repeat the year, but mostly he cried because he was afraid of losing John Paul. After there were no more tears to be spilt Craig stayed on the sofa and stared at the ceiling hoping that maybe if he looked hard enough he could find an answer to his problem. He grabbed his mobile, went to the contact list, paused on a name and put it in his pocket. Grabbing his jacket he stepped out of the apartment, walked down the stairs, and headed out of the bar.

--

Hey everyone! Thanks to those who reviewed!

Who else loved the Sunset Ending? I was really happy about the ending, then I was rather sad when I realized that was the end of McDean (I would have loved to see more happy and out in the open John Paul and Craig). Oh well- da33431 on youtube got me through no McDean in 2008 and I will just have to watch his videos again and again to get my fix.

Review! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story or on the SE.

9/19/08- Sunset Ending!


	6. Chapter 6

John Paul groaned at the sound of knocking at his door. Opening his eyes he realized it was dark outside. How long had he been facing the couch, his eyes shut, attempting not to cry? The knocking continued. It had to be Craig. He was not in the mood to see Craig…at all.

The knocking continued. He rolled of the couch and walked towards the door.

"Craig for the last time…" He said opening the door to find not Craig but a beaming Hannah holding a bottle of wine. Leaving the door open he walked back into the house. "Look Hannah, I'm not really in the mood to see anyone."

"Well, I figured since your family was away you'd like some company for dinner!" She said in a voice so chipper it made John Paul want to scream.

"Oh. That's a nice thought but…"

"… and Craig said you were a little down and needed a pick me up." He turned around sharply.

"When did you see Craig?"

"This afternoon. He said you guys got in a bit of a row. He asked me to go see you because he felt he shouldn't be the one going to cheer you up."

"Really? Because he's the only one I…"

"What?"

"Nothing Hannah, nothing." He smiled. "Lets open that bottle…"

When Hannah left, John Paul was actually sad to see her go. It had been a rather nice evening. John Paul hadn't realized it had been so long since he had seen her. He had been so wrapped up with Craig and all the drama that came with him that he had kind of forgotten about her. Something was different, he couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely different. She wasn't as energetic and bubbly as she was when they were dating. Even though she was all smiles she just seemed so sad.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Hannah.

Opening the door with a smile he asked, "What did you for-" his face fell because he saw the one person he didn't want to see (actually the only person he did want to see… but was to stubborn to admit that). Craig Dean.

"Get out." He said starting to close the door.

"No." Craig said pushing the door open. "Listen to me before you kick me out." He walked into the house. "I'll admit it. Being with you in public scares the shit out of me. I can't stand the thought of people thinking I'm gay. But, I couldn't stand it more if we weren't together at all. I want you to know that I love you and that I understand why it's over. It's not fair, what I've been doing to do, messing you about. You deserve more than this, this sneaking around and lying. You deserve better than me." He stood awkwardly for a few seconds. "And that's all I had to say." He turned towards the door.

"Wait!"

Though he knew he should just let Craig go. He just couldn't. He didn't know whether it was the fact that Craig said he loved him. The fact that he seemed so sincere. The fact that it was their last night of complete freedom and he didn't know when they'd get another.

Craig stopped and turned around slowly.

"I know I'm going to regret this later. But… do you want to stay?" Craig's face lit up but instantly he was serious again.

"Maybe I should leave. Me being here is causing more harm than good. It's not fair…" John Paul cut him off with a kiss.

"Listen, this is my choice. I want you to stay. We only have one more night of being alone and I want to spend it with you." He pulled away slightly keeping his hands around Craig's waist. "Besides, emotional Craig is dead sexy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." And pulled him into another kiss. "You get this cute little scowl on your face."

"Yeah?"

"And you run your hands through your hair and pace around the room."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" He said grinning and pulling Craig into a kiss. He knew that tomorrow everything would go back to what it was. Sarah would be back from her modeling gig. The McQueen's would be back from holiday. Hey would have to go back to just being the gay best friend. He would have to see Craig and Sarah all over each other. But right now he didn't care about any of that. All he cared about was finding a way to kiss Craig, take off his clothes, and climb up the stairs simultaneously.

--

Wow, I really suck. Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter out!

One more chapter after this- then I'm moving on to my newer story Of Baking Pans and Spatulas

Samantha


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer- Don't own hollyoaks or john paul and craig. If I did Craig wouldn't have beat up JP at the football match

They were lying in bed. For the last few hours they had been lying together, occasionally their eyes would meet and they would move towards each other as if some unknown force was pushing them and they would make love. But mostly they would lie there Craig's head on John Paul's chest, an after sex sleeping position that had become a regular pattern for them. Even when they weren't having sex, were just lying on the couch watching a film while the Dean's tended to the bar or when they would lie on John Paul's bed and talk, both of them too comfortable to take it any further, both content to just lie there, they would lie like that, Craig's head on John Paul's chest, John Paul's arm wrapped around him. That night, they didn't sleep, they wanted to savour every last moment they had together.

As the sun came up, John Paul was running his fingers through Craig's hair telling him some story about his sisters. As Craig laughed John Paul suddenly became sad. They only had a few hours left. The McQueen's would be home at noon and Sarah at one and then it would just be stolen moments together and fights. Why did he do this to himself?

"John Paul?" Craig spoke softly. And then he remembered. Craig. Craig who was like an addiction, something you knew you should not have but couldn't be apart from. Whenever Craig said his name he seemed to be able to take all the doubt he had in his mind and throw it out. It would return but in that moment John Paul never doubted his intentions, even though it was a lie he felt their love was epic. These moments with him, in his arms, was enough for John Paul to live day to day with the guilt.

Craig had lifted his head and was looking at John Paul and John Paul suddenly felt uncomfortable under the gaze. It was such an intense stare John Paul suddenly felt like Craig could see right through him. "Yeah?"

"The story?" Craig cracked a smile and his eyes suddenly looked less intense, softer.

"Oh yeah. So Mercedes had this store clerk in a headlock…" Craig chuckled and put his head back on John Paul's chest moving closer to him so that every part of his front was against John Paul. If only Sarah knew about this intimate positioning. Part of Craig wanted to text Sarah and have her come in "unexpectedly" and see him and John Paul like this. But another part, a smaller but significantly louder part told him not to hurt Sarah like that and that if he and John Paul were dating everyone would think he was gay. He knew that to John Paul it sounded like he was in denial and he had to admit that it was almost childish the way he kept saying it but he wasn't gay. He wasn't. He didn't look at Darren and think about how he wanted some of that. Then again he didn't think anyone would look at Darren like that. He wasn't attracted to other blokes only John Paul. He didn't know how to explain how he could love John Paul and be turned on by him but not be gay. Anyway he might say it, it wouldn't make any sense to anyone else.

At 11 o'clock they are sitting in the McQueen's living room, dressed and ready to take on the world. Their hands are linked, an intimate thing they could easily break from if they came home early, and Craig's head is on John Paul's shoulder and John Paul's head is resting on Craig's head. They are watching some programme, neither really paying attention.

At 12:13 the McQueen's come home. John Paul and Craig leave soon after. Being in the house with John Paul's mum and sisters after they had spent the weekend alone together was too weird for both of them. As they walk out Sarah texts Craig that she's on her way.

At 1:30, they are sitting in the Dog talking to Sarah. As she rambles on about her most recent photo shoot the two of them can't stop looking at one another and neither pay attention to what she is saying. As she stands at the bar getting one more round before she and Craig leave, Craig turns to John Paul and whispers, "I'd rather be going home with you" before she returns.

At 2 John Paul walks into his house depressed as ever. He does not want to talk to any of his sisters and walks upstairs to his bedroom.

At 3 Craig is lying in Sarah's bed thinking about John Paul. Actually he's been thinking about John Paul since they left the pub. He was thinking about John Paul before, during, and after sex with Sarah. He wonders if calling him now would be too soon.

At 3:02 Craig calls John Paul from the bathroom. It wasn't too soon.

At 5 Craig leaves, making some excuse that Frankie was insisting that Craig eat dinner with his family tonight. He walks to the McQueen house, knocks on the door, and walks up to John Paul's room where he is waiting. Craig kisses him like he hasn't seen him for years and begins pulling of his clothes telling him he loves him.

Two weeks later

"Craig, I'm really sorry but, I have to go away again!" Sarah said as she ran into the Dog where Nancy, Craig, and John Paul were sitting.

"What? You just got back"

"I know, but, I got a call for another photo shoot."

"Where?" Nancy asked.

"London." Sarah said rather miserably. She turned back to Craig. " I'm really sorry. I know I just got back…"

"Look, it's alright…I think I can manage without you for a few days." Craig flashed a look at John Paul and grinned, like he used to before Hannah's birthday, before things changed. Craig so careful now, so nervous about anyone suspecting anything, he barely even acknowledged John Paul's presence. John Paul preferred him like this.

She playfully slapped him. "Don't sound too excited!"

As he opened his mouth to reply Frankie came over with drinks. As she passed them out she spoke to her son. "Listen Craig, I forgot to mention… Jack and I are going away for the weekend. He and I haven't gone on holiday in a while. You've got the flat to yourself. Don't worry about the pub, Jack's got some of his workers opening and closing the bar. It would be nice if you could help out though when Dar…" She kept talking but Craig heard nothing. He stared at John Paul._ You've got the flat to yourself_

"Wait, what about Darren? Where's he gonna be?"

"He'll be at the pub during the days but he said something about staying at Zoe's."

Craig gave John Paul a "I know exactly what we will be doing and where we will be doing it" look and John Paul couldn't help but smile. This may not be exactly what he wanted in his relationship with Craig but hell these weekends alone were worth it!

---

SORRY! Its been so long! I was actually going to update a few days ago but FF wasn't letting me log in.

I set it up for a second Alone story. Do you guys want that or would you prefer it if I ended it here?

Sam


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